Anguished English

"Bloopers and Blunders, Fluffs and Flubs, Goofs and Gaffes"

For Christmas I got a desk calendar that has hilarious linguistic lapses from advertisements, signs, newspaper headlines, and other everyday sources.  Each day contains a lapsa lingua with a header describing where it was found.  Here is a list of some of my favorites for January:

January 11, 2011:
Title: School Daze
"The poet Dante stood with one foot firmly planted in the Middle Ages while with the other he saluted the rising dawn of the Renaissance."

January 20, 2011:
Title: Stop the Presses
"Following the brawl at 5 East Broad St., Detective Delvecchio said, Officer Michael Murphy of the Farmington Police drove down Orchard Street with his department's police dog addressing the crowd."

If you do not get it the first time, read it again, or out loud, and you will find what is wrong with the statement. 

In addition, I came across some funny double entendres the other day:

"Include your children when baking cookies."
"Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers."
"Drunks get 9 months in violin case."
"Kids make nutritious snacks."

I hope you enjoyed these hilarious statements, and got a good laugh from them! I will keep posting my favorites from the "Anguished English" calendar at the end of each month.